The fear of expressing my ideology is what makes me an introvert in society. My thinking connects the possibilities of brain waves and the virtual brain, which are always criticized factors, forcing me to lie down without expressing myself. For me, “Living my truth” has always been a nightmare, because my way of thinking is not accepted by most people, both in high school and college. I live in a world where I suppress my ideas, I fake my smile and I follow what society suggests. I was in 7th grade when I first understood the concept of brain waves, which relate to actions through emotions. Different emotions have different actions and can change a person dramatically. Say no to plagiarism. Get a custom essay on “Why Violent Video Games Should Not Be Banned”? Get an original essay I wasn't very good at studying, so I forced myself to imagine horrible things like rejection and abandonment of I challenged myself and my loved ones to focus on studying so that these horrible events would not happen. This allowed me to never know second place until now. I used anxiety, fear, and repression to drive me to this point, lying to myself all the time about being industrious. I have been practicing this use of emotions for six years and I am getting used to creating horrific and imaginative stories. Maybe it's a side effect: I rarely feel happiness or pleasure at parties, festivals, occasions, cultures, and even on dates. It's been more than three years; I began to feel numb to most events. I meditated, I went to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, I got involved in group programs and social activities, hanging out with friends, but nothing changed at all. Now I'm in the USA, in a completely different nation, far from my parents, but it's still the same. The smell of the air, the sound of vehicles, the shade of trees, and people's common dreams are all the same. Pretending to smile all the time is just suppression of the identity of who I really am. What I believe and what I think is still controversial and imaginary, so even after being freed from family observations or control, I am unable to live my truth or follow the path I believe in. I wanted to live my truth, following the principles of reaching the pinnacle of brainwaves, and finally developing a virtual brain based on them. However, deep down, I just feel alone and the emotions gradually fade away, so I lose my identity. Sometimes I wonder if living my truth while sacrificing everyone and everything is worth it. Even when no one is forcing me or anything, I have doubts about whether this is the truth I wanted to live for. The fear of criticism during these eighteen years has drawn me into a controversy where my mind doubts my abilities. So, I have to admit that I wasn't living my truth and I haven't found it yet.