In “Bottoms” by Dagoberto Gilb, the protagonist, who is also the narrator, wishes he were the kind of person who would act on “raw desire.” In other words, he wants the kind of dominance he identifies with being a top. In order to connect to this masculinity, he distances himself, both mentally and physically, from men he perceives to be "up-oriented or down-oriented" and instead turns to a woman at his local pool. This woman is never named, and we learn little more about her than that she "lives nearby" and has a husband even taller than her. Instead of providing information about this woman's past or personality, the narrator focuses on her body, particularly her sexual parts. However, the body that he initially appears to objectify in an attempt to prove his masculinity takes on power and size of its own, ultimately becoming synonymous with the sexual dominance the narrator desires for himself. Thanks to this reversal of traditional gender and power roles, the tall woman becomes the symbol of the “top” and the narrator is forced to take into account his own relationship to sex, unlike her. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on “Why Violent Video Games Should Not Be Banned”? Get an original essay The story opens with the narrator dealing with a recent breakup and reflecting on what he believes to be his romantic and sexual flaws. He says, “I fear raw desire when I encounter it. Although I would love to be able to just search what's available, even potentially. I hate being so romantic. I want to be a stereotype: the man sees the woman. Thinks the woman. Think high. To a woman. Be satisfied with oneself” (130). This excerpt reveals three things about the narrator. First, he is “a romantic” who does not consider himself motivated primarily by carnal desire. Second, he views his sentimentality as a flaw and would prefer to be a male stereotype of sexual desire. Third, it extends the framework of “ups and downs” beyond homosexuality and equates up with manhood, and perhaps, by extension, down with femininity. This concept of ups and downs is first introduced to the narrator in a book about "dicks and pecs." , hard and soft, big and small” (129). Defining people by whether they "want or mean it" preoccupies the narrator so much that he cannot help but speculate about the direction in which each of the men in his local group is oriented. Shaken by this concern, he distances himself from a “much too handsome” man, probably gay, who surprises him in conversation. He turns instead to the woman by the pool, who, on the other hand, has a “calming” presence. To save himself, he leaves the conversation with the man and joins the woman in the swimming pool. His “sensitivity” towards the gay man and his distress about the ups and downs read at first glance like banal homophobia. However, I argue that they foreshadow a deeper insecurity about his passivity in sexual encounters with women. After once allying himself with the woman at the swimming pool, the narrator opens up to a friendship with her. The two continue "talking, all caught up in it" and the narrator describes the tone of their relationship as "well, all that, friendly and good." A straight line” (136). He explains that he does not aim to seduce her, but his narration focuses more on admiring and noticing the sexual appeal of her body than exploring her life or character. While the handsome man – whom the narrator does not like – is described in a full page of detail, the womanis described only as someone who lives nearby with a happy husband who is even taller than her. This woman, who is never named, develops more as a body than as a character. The narrator notes her “busty cups… very large,” her “neckline down to her chin” (141). He notes that “any movement of tissue or flesh around the breast or thigh… inevitably becomes visible” (133). The narrator, who devotes himself tokeeping his life without surprises and problems, he wants only friendship with this woman. Yet his attention to his body seems more consistent with the “stereotype of masculinity” than with the romantic self with which he identifies. Read from a certain angle, it would seem that he wants to look at her through the eyes of the man he wants to be: as an object to be desired and then overcome. However, when the opportunity for sexual contact presents itself, the narrator is passive. The tall woman initiates: “her mouth is against mine and her tongue goes inside… I do not respond negatively, I am only passive” (138). Given the narrator's desire to "see the woman." Think woman. Think high. [Having] a wife,” this seems the appropriate time for him to act on a desire for sexual domination. However, it does no such thing. He first passively accepts the meeting, then actively ends it. Despite his lack of enthusiasm about the encounter, the narrator continues to focus on the sexual elements of the woman's body. But after the first sexual contact, his presence no longer soothes him. It becomes a source of anxiety. On the contrary, his body, its sexual nature and its increasing size, become sources of anxiety. The narrator speaks of her "inevitable naughtiness" and describes her sexual parts "bursting...and expanding before [his] eyes" (144). Whereas before it seemed possible that the narrator's male gaze could be a source of power for him, it now seems destabilized. Growing female body parts demand attention. In fact, his body, which is actively growing in front of him, seems to have more action than him. He can “feel the gravitational pull of his flesh, his Jupiter” (138). While "gravitation" is a term often used to describe romantic interest, in this case it seems to highlight the inevitable force that one's body exerts on the narrator. Like a small object near a planet, it is caught under the pull of its mass without any choice on its part. The woman's body becomes inevitable for the narrator. Although he has no interest in engaging sexually with him, he continues to present himself to him and develop in his thoughts. He uses the term "sick" to describe his attention to those "breasts, hips and vaginas" and even attempts to return to the task of revising his book to distract himself. Her descriptions of her body no longer seem motivated by a desire to objectify or assert power. On the contrary, the woman's body, by growing and attracting attention, asserts its own power of action. Unlike the tall woman, the narrator considers the fact that he can shrink. He comments that his body is "the biggest, really, that's not an opinion." I swear, she's bigger every time I see her. Or am I shrinking? (144). I argue that because size is a symbol of power, the narrator's preoccupation with shrinking alludes to his fear of being emasculated. The narrator seems to believe that there is a connection between size and power. He alludes to it at the pool when he first comments on the woman's size: "I'm not usually like that," he says, "considering the woman's size." It’s a direct effect of this novel” (131). Nowhere in the story does the narrator say that height is addressed in the novel. All.